


The Wedding

by Mathemagician37



Series: Walking by a Wedding [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, It's also quite crack-ish, anyway just see for yourself, not a General Danvers wedding though, wedding au, without being too crack-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-01 03:05:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8604670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathemagician37/pseuds/Mathemagician37
Summary: Alex and Astra meet at Kara's wedding.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this one-shot (I will post it as multichapter and I might actually extend it as well) in March, and sort of abandoned it for months. But two days ago I decided to take a look at it again, and so I thought maybe I could still post this.
> 
> If y'all like it well enough, I will post the rest of it as well. :) Because - you know - there's not enough General Danvers on AO3 and I will sail this ship with or without canonical gayness going on.
> 
> Anyway, this sort of introduces the setting, and I hope it interests y'all enough to want to read more of it. ^^

Alex Danvers was about done with her mother. She had been talking about what a great day it was for Kara’s wedding, and sneakily brought the subject to Alex’s future wedding. And why she wasn’t dating anyone. If she could set Alex up with ‘that cute boy from the grocery store’ she went to every week. Because ‘Alex’s biological clock was ticking’.

Alex was used to this kind of talk. Her mom always had something to say about her way of life. If not her job, then her dating life. Or her preference for guns over things that ‘normal people’ enjoy. Or basically anything that ‘normal people’ didn’t do.

She thought that the only thing her mother was really proud of was that she was a scientist: a bio-engineer of all things. But the fact that she hadn’t exactly ended up in that field was something that annoyed her, and she would let that known to Alex at all times.

She had become very good at cancelling out her mother’s talk about all of it, turning it down until it was just white noise in the background of her thoughts.

And so she did so, for the nth time that day. Eventually, she downed her drink, and excused herself, telling her mother she would go to the restroom.

She didn’t actually have to go, but she was tired of having to listen to her mother’s endless rants. Roughly five minutes later she entered the room again. The newly-weds were being cute on the dance floor, and Alex smiled to herself. She had never seen Kara as happy as she seemed in that moment, and it was nice to witness it.

Alex found herself standing against the wall, observing the scenery around her, and especially how Kara fit into it. She seemed to be in her element; to be exactly where she belonged. And Alex couldn’t stop herself from smiling even broader. After all the girl had been through, she deserved to be as happy as she appeared to be.

Her eyes wandered to the rest of the room, scanning her surroundings being a habit that would probably never die. It was so ingrained on her that it had become second nature to her. She was already thinking about her next move. It wasn’t likely that anyone would question why she was standing away from the revelry, but she felt like she should try and enjoy the party.

Not necessarily because she thought Kara wanted her to, but because she wanted to have good memories of a day that would be so important to Kara. The happiest day of her life. Kara was typically the kind of person that would focus on the good in all situations, even if hers were filled with tragedy and pain, but this day seemed to be detached from all of it. Like a big bubble was surrounding her, separating her from the rest of the world.

She allowed herself to enjoy her isolation for another minute, until she forced herself to walk back to the tables. About half the people had joined the happy couple on the dance floor, some of them had gone outside to the small terrace on the front side of the building, or some of them were standing at the edge of the dance floor. About a quarter of them was still sitting at the tables, mostly elderly people, but a few younger ones that were talking to some of the older ones as well.

Her mother had vacated the table they had been sitting at, and she was glad she didn’t have to find an excuse for blowing her off like she had. And she wasn’t particularly in the mood to dance, so she made her way to the tables, her eyes settling on a woman that looked familiar, but she was sure she had never met. Dark curls were falling over her shoulders, her fingers playing with the stem of her wine glass.

If Alex had to judge the woman’s posture, she would say she was slightly bored. She wasn’t sure if that were the exact reason why she was drawn to the woman, but she let her feet guide her to the table the woman was sitting at. She pulled out the chair next to the woman, gesturing at it as she asked: “Is this seat taken?”

The woman’s eyes met hers, and her lips quirked up in a smile. “I have a feeling it’s about to be.” She nodded, amusement spreading on her face like a wildfire. But as soon as she had shown any kind of sign that she enjoyed the idea of Alex’s company, it changed to a curiosity that made Alex think she was up for an interrogation. Although she had to admit to herself that she didn’t mind that sentiment at all.

Something about the woman intrigued her. If not the grey eyes that she kept trained on her ever since she had pulled out the chair, then the mystery that seemed to linger around the woman. Much like her perfume. It was a very subtle smell, but there was something mesmerizing about it.

Alex’s thoughts trailed off for a moment, but she quickly reminded herself that she was probably supposed to sit down on the chair she had pulled out. Standing there foolishly would certainly not be the way to go. So she extended her hand to the other woman, who shook it. “And to whom am I lending this chair?” She questioned, a smile still in place.

“I’m Alex.” She greeted. “Kara’s sister.” She gestured in the general direction of the dance floor to emphasize the words.

“Astra.” The other woman countered, not adding as to what her connection to the married couple was. Alex thought the woman was playing a silent game, letting Alex take the lead over this conversation, without actually having any control. She wasn’t sure what her aim was, but she was bound to find out. So instead of outright asking her who she was, she decided to use her deductive skills.

“You look a lot like Kara’s mother.” Alex pointed out, her eyes fixed on Astra. The movements in her face told her that she was right. That there was a very obvious reason for the resemblance. “You’re her sister.”

“You have guessed that correctly.” Astra approved. She tilted her head slightly to the right, eyeing Alex carefully. “So what does that make us?” The way she had spoken contained a hidden suggestion, and Alex wasn’t sure how to interpret it. But she wasn’t about to give up finding the answer before she had even started to.

“Nothing.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Nothing.” She retorted, but she added a hint of a smile for good measure. One of the waiters that was walking around with a tray of glasses filled with champagne passed the two of them, and Alex took one of the glasses, thanking the waiter in the process. She took a sip of the sparkling liquid, enjoying the taste. Her eyes were looking over the rim of her glass, latched onto the other woman’s eyes in an almost defiant manner.

“You seem to be quite sure of that.” Astra remarked, her eyes boring into Alex's. If Alex didn’t know any better, she’d think that Astra was trying to read her. Except it was way more profound than she was used to with other people. She was basically undressing her with her eyes. The weirdest thing about it was that it didn’t even make Alex uncomfortable. She was actually almost enjoying herself.

“So how is it that I’ve never seen you around?” Alex inquired curiously, ignoring Astra’s comment. She was way more interested in the other woman and why Kara never seemed to be talking about her. Her parents had died in a fire when she was only thirteen years old, and she had moved into Eliza and Jeremiah’s place soon thereafter. Kara had told her everything about her parents, but nothing substantial about her aunt.

“I was in prison.” It was said with an utter disregard for how it sounded, purely for shock value, Alex reckoned. And the fact that Astra didn’t seem ashamed by the sentiment at all, left Alex somewhat fazed. The moment the words rolled out of the older woman’s mouth, she was just gulping from her champagne, which went down the wrong way. She snorted, the champagne going up through her nose, leaving an awkward sensation in her nostrils.

She started coughing uncontrollably, Astra attempting to make amends by patting her on her back. However, a wicked grin was spreading on her face, which forfeited her helpful gesture almost in its entirety. When she had finally regained control over her breath, Astra stopped patting her back, but her hand lingered a little too long on her back. Her dress had an open back, and she could almost swear that she felt a very soft brush of fingers across her skin before she drew her hand back.

“Prison?” Alex questioned incredulously, her voice sounding hoarse from all the coughing. She figured it would help to smear her throat with some water, but she was going to be wary of any fluids until she knew that she wouldn’t be caught by surprise again, having another incident like the one she’d just had.

“Yes.” Astra responded, not giving away one bit of the story behind it. “What do you do for a living?” She asked, as if it were her turn in their two-way interrogation. Alex realized that if she kept giving elaborate answers to Astra's liking, she would answer her own questions as well, so she did what she thought was best to keep the conversation going. To keep unraveling the mysteries that seemed to dwell around the woman.

“I’m with the DEA.” The younger woman answered dutifully, her eyes carefully scanning the other woman’s face for any signs. Signs for what, she wasn’t sure, but she was intrigued by Astra and she was bound to remember every movement of every muscle as she listened and spoke. “But I have a PhD in bio-engineering.”

Astra appeared to be impressed and Alex couldn’t help but feel proud of herself. She didn’t know why she liked having some kind of approval from the other woman, but she felt a warmth inside of her because of it. “So, smart and tough.” Astra marveled. For a good moment Alex thought she would add another feature to the list, but the woman kept quiet.

“So what crime did you commit?” Alex asked bluntly, feeling her confidence grow with the minute.

“Eco-terrorism.” She countered without even attempting to sound ashamed to some extent. She half-smiled at seeing Alex’s face, who in return looked at her like she’d just grown a second head. “Seems like we have more in common than we initially thought.” She proclaimed with a hint of amusement in her voice.

“You’re not seriously comparing eco-terrorism with bio-engineering, are you?” Alex scoffed, raising her eyebrows. She had visualized the woman as many things, but not offensive in such a way.

“I would never.” Astra responded, tilting her head again. “You didn’t think I was, did you?” She countered, almost effectively turning the accusation around in Alex’s direction.

Alex squinted her eyes at the other woman, trying to draw the right conclusion, but she figured that it was a dangerous thing with Astra to make assumptions based on the things she said. The woman was a collection of mixed signals that Alex didn’t know how to interpret.

It was a combination of smoking signals and Morse code while trying to communicate in sign language. She just didn’t know which one to pick, and she guessed that even if she could pick one of them, it turned out to be a message in a bottle after all. With Astra, she couldn’t read the signals, because when push came to shove, there was another secret option that she didn’t know about.

Alex had only known the woman for ten minutes or so, and she’d already drawn that conclusion. She already knew that this woman was anything but an open book to her. Years of practice had taught her to read people quite well. She had sat through her fair share of interrogations and had led a lot of them at her job, and she was very capable at it. But all of her acquired skills were of no use now.

She was surprised by the fact that it didn’t even seem to bother her all that much either. She was curious, to the point where she wanted to peel away every layer of mysteriousness until she knew everything, like some strange kind of competitiveness. She didn’t understand her interest in the woman, but she didn’t have the time to find out and contemplate the matter.

“I’ve studied biochemistry in college.” Astra eventually explained, shrugging slightly. “When I finished, I enlisted in the Marines.” Her eyes diverted from her for a second, barely noticeable, but Alex caught it.

“But you decided to use the things you’ve been taught along the way to further your terroristic agenda?” Alex inquired, with a hint of venom in her voice. She hadn’t meant to sound so rude, but she was a fighter for justice at all costs, and she wasn’t going to be friendly with a person that turned to terrorism as a measure to push her agenda.

“You are mistaken.” Astra said dismissively. “There was no malicious intent. I merely set a person on fire. By accident.” She stipulated.


	3. Chapter 3

“By accident?” Alex questioned skeptically, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

“He was coming off strong all day. I had to make a point.” Astra shrugged, as if she had said something that would fit within the parameters of plain and normal, instead of shocking and borderline psychopathic.

“This makes no sense.” Alex shook her head, folding her arms in front of her chest. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Because you do not know the entire story.” Astra pointed out. “You judge me based on the facts that _you_ know, which happens to be only a fraction of the facts.”

“Touché.” Alex said, still not convinced that the person in front of her was not an actual malevolent criminal. She was a criminal, but it mattered to her whether the crime that had been committed was to some extent justified. Which she guessed was not the case. “So why don’t you tell me the whole story?”

“Hmm.” Astra hummed as she brought her glass up to her lips, taking a sip of her own drink. She tilted her head up, looking somewhere in the general direction of the ceiling as if considering the question. “Do you believe that all criminals are inherently evil?”

“Wh-“ She frowned, looking at Astra in order to spot any signs that indicated that she were playing with Alex. But there was no amusement or any other emotion on her face that betrayed her. The muscles in her face were relaxed, her breathing was even and she was sitting comfortably in her chair. She just looked intently at Alex, waiting for response. “No.”

“Would you care to elaborate?” Astra inquired, setting her glass down on the table, and sitting up a bit straighter than she had before.

“You keep deflecting.” Alex discerned, holding Astra’s stare as she spoke. “But if you insist.. No, not all criminals are inherently evil, in the same way that not all non-criminals are inherently good. All of our behavior is caused by something. That could be desperation, or other things. Some people have no choice when they commit a crime. There are always reasons. Sometimes good ones, sometimes bad ones.”

Astra nodded in what seemed to be satisfaction. “After I had served three tours, I came back and affiliated with people that had similar views upon the world as I did, and still do. We were protesting against a corporation that supported the denial of the climate change, hence the connection to eco-terrorism. I was not lying when I said I accidentally set that person on fire. He had sprayed himself in some kind of aerosol in protest of aerosols that have a bad influence on the ozone layer.”

"The logic of it eludes me." Alex rolled her eyes. “So one spark did the job, huh?” She guessed, nodding in understanding.

“He wouldn’t leave me alone, no matter how often I asked.” Astra resumed. “When he wanted to touch me, I reacted like any Marine would. It was merely self-protection. I could not have foreseen he would stumble against someone that was smoking marihuana.” Astra's face was almost as unreadable as it had been before, except for the small smile that was playing around her lips. There was also a kind of pride visible in her eyes for just the tiniest of moments, that made Alex think that the woman was not as sorry about setting a man on fire as an average person would.

So Alex’s mouth fell open, blinking rather exaggeratedly. She called bullshit on her story. “You are messing with me.”

“No such thing.” Astra protested. “The police at the scene arrested me. They had been waiting for an incident to happen so they could cancel our protest. They used me for that specific goal.”

Alex whistled softly in incredulity. It was by far the biggest cock-and-bull story she had ever heard, but the way Astra looked at her now made her think that it was a true story.

And so Alex nodded slowly in understanding, as if the story was still sinking in. A somewhat awkward silence lingered, but Kara joined them and broke it before it could settle. “Alex!” She announced dorkily, wrapping an arm around her sister’s shoulders and pecking her on her cheek. Alex thought she was drunk. Not necessarily on alcohol, but on happiness. And so Alex couldn’t contain the grin that started spreading across her face.

“Kara!” She chuckled, patting her on her back. Her happiness was almost contagious, and Alex was overwhelmed with affection. She loved her sister a lot, and she deserved to feel this way more than anyone she knew. To revel in the goodness that this day had brought to her.

“I see you’ve met my aunt.” Kara pointed out, smiling broadly at her aunt. “Our family delinquent.” She joked. “Who also happens to be my favorite aunt.”

“Little one,” Astra warned, feigning the look of a mother that was about to reprimand her daughter. “I love you, but you have to be very careful.” Her face didn’t remain all serious though, a smile pulling at her lips and eventually cracking into a full-blown smile.

Kara turned to Alex, analyzing her movements. “She told you that she is an eco-terrorist, didn’t she?” Kara questioned with the same kind of smile playing around her lips. “She likes to do that. Shock people.”

“Or burn them.” Astra added nonchalantly and Alex looked at her with even more incredulity than she had before.


	4. Chapter 4

“Astra does not like boys who are too forward.” Kara clarified, and Alex chuckled in relief. It was hands down the strangest series of events she had ever heard of, and she immediately understood Kara what she had meant with ‘shocking people’.

“You are-” Alex started, turning her attention back to Astra. She didn’t even have words to describe what the woman was, and she was even more at a loss for words when Astra's eyes met hers. She was looking at her with a weird mixture of an apologetic and somewhat amused gaze. It confused Alex, because the two seemed to be somewhat mutually exclusive. But then again, there was a lot about Astra that felt like a paradox to Alex.

“I’m waiting for you to list a few descriptions, summing up all those things I am that you are thinking of right now.” Astra eventually said, not averting her gaze from Alex. There was some weight to the look, and Alex felt like she was drawn to it. Like gravity. It interfered with her normal train of thoughts, and made it hard to find the right kind of response she was looking for. And she suspected that Astra knew that all too well, that she was completely aware of the effect that she had on Alex.

“You’re unbelievable.” Alex finished her sentence. She rolled her eyes at the woman to add more credibility to her statement, but she considered it unnecessary. The way Astra’s eyes were glimmering with suggestion made her think that she had taken the words quite differently from what Alex had meant, and she had to resist the urge to roll her eyes again.

For a hot second she thought the woman was going to say something, but apparently she decided against it. But it left the two of them staring at each other, the tension growing stronger than it already was.

It went on until Kara decided it was enough. Alex had almost forgotten that they were in the company of her sister, so she felt a bit exposed when she spoke up.

“Alex punched a guy that was a head taller than her and got suspended for a month in junior high.” She offered, chuckling awkwardly. Her eyes were shifting from Alex to her aunt and back again. She knew there was something going on between the two of them. An unspoken conversation of some sorts. “So you two have something in common.”

“I didn’t go to prison.” Alex pointed out, slightly offended by the comparison, averting her gaze from Astra and letting her eyes land on her sister. “And he asked for it. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She defended herself.

Astra shrugged **.** “I went to prison for two weeks. The judge wanted to make an example out of me for the wrong reasons.” She argued. She didn’t seem to mind all that much about the whole ordeal. “After three tours with the navy you’re getting used to not having access to luxuries and the offense was expunged from my criminal record.”

“Fair enough.” Alex admitted, smiling lightly. There was something about the way Astra had explained herself that made her think that the woman was sharing a part of herself that she didn’t share with all too many people. Then again, prison was hardly a subject you would bring up in a normal everyday-conversation, and she was still astounded that the woman had brought it up so casually like she had.

Before they could say anything else, Kara was hijacked by her spouse. They were being extra-clingy now they were married, and Astra’s eyes met Alex’s as she rolled them in exasperation. Alex chuckled in response, and half a minute later the two love birds left them alone again, but not before Kara had snuck up on Alex once more before leaving the two of them alone again: “Don’t forget to bring us to the airport tomorrow,” she reminded her sister.

Alex half-expected her to make a comment on her making conversation with Kara’s aunt, but she didn’t say anything about it. And Alex was grateful. She wasn’t waiting for an interrogation on what her intentions with the woman were. She didn’t even know it herself. She kept telling herself she just wanted to get to know the woman. Which was true in its simplicity, so at least she wasn’t lying to herself in its entirety. Or to anyone else for that matter.

“I won’t.” Alex promised, her hand squeezing her sister’s arm for extra reassurance. “Now go have fun.” She added a grin, which Kara returned. She gave her a quick hug and retreated to the dance floor as Alex’s gaze followed her. She let it linger for a while, until she felt Astra’s eyes prickle, and she redirected her eyes to the other woman.

She noticed that her empty glass had been swapped for a full glass of champagne, and judging the way Astra looked at her, she could tell she was the one who was responsible for that.

“Are you planning to get me drunk?” Alex asked with an amused look on her face.

“No.” Astra retorted matter-of-factly. “But it wouldn’t be an unwelcome outcome.”

“Are you implying that I’m not fun enough when I’m sober?” Alex pretended to be offended, and she quirked an eyebrow for good measure. She was quite sure that it was not what the woman intended when she ordered a new drink for her, but she liked to get a rise out of the woman. She had just done the same with her and she was willing to return the favor.

“No such thing.” Astra countered. Her lips didn’t betray any humor, but her eyes were very telling when it came to her state of mind. “You really seemed to enjoy your bubbly and.. I guess I like to be the cause of your pleasure.”


	5. Chapter 5

Alex thanked herself for not taking a sip of her champagne right away, because it would have resulted in the same fiasco as it had in the beginning of their night together. She wondered if the woman had meant for it to sound as ambiguously as it did, or if it were just a weird phrasing by accident. So she tried to be nonchalant about it.

“Sure you do.” Alex coughed as she brought the glass to her lips. Astra looked at her with a wicked grin on her face while she gulped down a considerably bigger amount of champagne than she had drunk that night. She contemplated the option to order tequila, but she decided against it. Mostly because she didn’t want to get drunk at Kara’s wedding. Part of her also didn’t want to, because she wanted to remember every minute of her time with Astra.

Astra smirked back at her, because Alex was confirming that she had brought her some pleasure by ordering champagne, and the older woman seemed to take pleasure in it herself. To stop her from gloating all that much, Alex decided to change the subject.

“Astra.” She enunciated her name with extra emphasis on the first syllable. She liked how the name sounded. It was a name she had never heard before, and she was curious as to how her parents had invented a name like it. It seemed to suit the woman.

“My parents were very fond of space.” Astra explained with a small smile, answering the unasked question as if she knew what Alex was thinking about. “A quirk I inherited.”

Alex thought she meant something more than just a fondness of space, judging by the way her eyes lit up at the comment. “You’re an astronomer?”

Astra chuckled at that. She took a sip from her own champagne before answering. “No. No such thing. I never inherited any mathematical skills that are deemed appropriate for such a job.” She replied. There was a hint of disappointment in her voice, but Alex wasn’t sure if that were actually what she was hearing. “However, I wanted to be a cosmonaut.”

“So why didn’t you?” Alex asked with interest. She knew that it was actually very hard to become a cosmonaut, and that there were tons of reasons why one would opt out or disqualify for such a job, but she wanted to know what had worked against Astra. She hardly seemed like the kind of woman that would abstain herself from a selection procedure, if she had her eyes set on a goal like that. She would grasp the opportunity with both hands, and fight for it like life depended on it. Or so Alex thought.

She couldn’t keep her eyes off of the other woman, and she ignored the thoughts in the back of her mind. The wondering she would have done if she’d cared to pay attention to them just a little more. Wasn’t she being too obvious? But with what, exactly. She didn’t know that. There was something about the way she felt while conversing with this woman that she had never felt with anyone.

Or maybe it wasn’t necessarily that she hadn’t felt that way with anyone. Maybe she had. Just never with the same force she was experiencing in that moment. And that unfamiliar territory she was plowing through was something she welcomed with open arms. Alex was never the kind of woman that was afraid of unexplored situations, and this was one of those. Sure, nothing weighed up against being prepared and ready for battle, but Alex also loved the unexpectedness of an enemy in a fight. When she had to learn to anticipate in the right way.

But she felt like this all came natural. Almost effortless. Astra challenged her, but in a way that was somehow adapted to Alex’s needs and desires. Custom-made. It was contradictory at best, but somehow made sense to Alex as well.

Astra didn’t react in the ways that Alex could foresee. Not in the ways she could predict. But Alex knew how to react to Astra’s questions and smirks and glances.

“I almost did.” Astra sighed. She sounded nostalgic about a time that was long lost, and Alex wondered what she was thinking about. But she wasn’t certain it was appropriate to ask, so she didn’t. But Astra answered her unasked question anyway, yet again, as if reading her mind. “I lived in Russia for several years, and I would have been one of the crew. But unfortunately I couldn’t go through with it.”

“You actually lived in Russia?” Alex asked incredulously, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

“Da. Do svidaniya.” The older woman said as a way of answering the question. She flashed a smile, but it was with a sadder undertone than she probably would have intended.

“Why couldn’t you go through with it?” Alex inquired curiously. She realized that the woman had probably deflected the explanation for a reason, but she couldn’t help but ask the question anyway.

Astra appeared to be contemplating her answer, but settled then for a “That might be a story for later.” She quirked up her lips in a smile, this time no sadness present. “But there were some intricacies that prevented me, of which I am certain you’d be interested to know.”

“You’re trying to tease me.” Alex drawled. It was quite unlike Alex to drawl, and so her face molded in a grin the moment Astra looked at her funny. But it might have been to hide the embarrassment she felt at melting under Astra's gaze like she had. At the resignation she had showed by drawling. She felt a kind of weakness that was not familiar to her, and she could not say she liked it. Or disliked, for that matter.

“No such thing.” Astra repeated. Her eyes scanned the younger woman’s face, looking rather oddly while doing so. She leaned in, lowering her voice. “It was just an attempt at getting you to agree to have coffee with me next week.”

“You sure know how to get a person eager to agree, don’t you.” It was no question, merely a statement. Alex briefly wondered if this were something she did to lots of people. Doing this dance. Seducing them into wanting to know everything about her. Inviting them to be bold with her, and return information about themselves so freely. And if so, had they agreed with it, and participated in the dance so eagerly. Alex thought they would have.

She was never the kind of person to fall for this kind of ‘seduction’. It was not really a ‘seduction’, but her mind failed to find a better word that described whatever Astra and Alex were doing. Or maybe her failure to pinpoint the word was exactly why it was a seduction. But she did not want to admit that to herself just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ever read any of my fics, knows that I'm kind of a fan of bringing some kind of seriousness in the story. So this is basically where the taunting and flirting 'ends'. Or well, it's actually transcending to something they have been dancing around and I felt like I had to address it, because it felt more natural to the characters that way.
> 
> Anyway, I wanted to ask y'all if you're okay with that.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex was not the kind of person that understood that dance. She never had. She had ‘danced’ with a handful of women, and had even called one or two of them her girlfriend for some time, but she never felt the kind of need that she saw in people around her. She had never really understood why people would go through the kind of trouble they went to be loved. To get laid. Alex had always been fine on her own.

It was not like she hadn’t enjoyed the time with her exes. She had. A lot. She wouldn’t have spent so much time with them if she hadn’t. She just thought that maybe she had appreciated them as friends more than as anything else. And whenever she saw Kara struggle with her love life, long before she found the one and got married, she couldn’t help but wonder if it were really worth it. Why someone would spend so much time getting to know a person, only to get their heart ripped out and be left bleeding.

But Alex knew that they were all just looking for something more. Something infinite and unconditional. And that the price for that search was loss. And pain. And heartbreak. Alex understood heartbreak. Because it didn’t take romantic love to have your heart broken.

It was the kind of love she understood very well. It was the kind of love that would made her go through hell and back for her sister. She would die for her. She would kill for her. She would live for her. She would do everything to keep her safe, to make sure no one would hurt her. Kara and her hadn’t been bound by blood, but it had never made any of the love she felt for her any less unconditional.

Her gaze wandered back to Kara on the dance floor, following her movements for a while. Kara had never cared that Alex had spent almost her entire life single. Or that she was into women for that matter. She had always supported her, no matter what. When she decided to study bio-engineering, and after that when she wanted to study and train to help her become a DEA agent.

Kara had been there for Alex every step of the way. With all her life decisions. To celebrate or mourn them. Something Alex would have never thought when they were just children and Kara moved in with them after her parents died. She had been jealous of how her parents had treated Kara compared to how they treated her, and she’d always felt a little less important to them than Kara was. She knew it wasn’t the truth, that it was just a feeling, but it didn’t hurt any less.

When her father died, and it was just her mother, Kara and Alex, it had changed something between the dynamics of their family. And it had made the bond between Kara and Alex stronger. They had grown closer together. Maybe it was because they shared in that pain, of losing a parent at young age.

All that mattered was that Kara had grown and turned in the person that mattered to Alex the most. And the happiness she was radiating from that dance floor with her significant other by her side was contagious to Alex. A grin spread like butter across her face, and she couldn’t stop smiling until she noticed that Astra was looking at her intently.

“What?” Alex asked defiantly, slightly confused at seeing Astra’s face, but also slightly embarrassed at knowing that the other woman had been analyzing her stare at her sister. Not that she was embarrassed about her relationship with Kara.

“You love her.” Astra simply said. She titled her head a little, her gaze roaming Alex’s face, filing away every reaction. “More than anyone else. You don’t share blood, but yet you love her as if you do.”

“I don’t think you have to share blood to feel like family.” Alex explained, feeling a little on edge. She was reminded of all the times that people had told her that Kara was not her real sister, because she had been adopted. It had always been something Alex loathed. The whole discussion. She was about to deliver her usual speech whenever the subject came up, until she saw Astra’s face. She had an odd look in her eyes, and Alex wondered what it meant.

“I’m not claiming otherwise.” Astra rebutted, she gave a small smile to show that she hadn’t meant any harm, but there was still that strange look on her face. Alex would almost call it guilt. But she didn’t know where it was coming from, and she didn’t understand what it was doing there. “I’m just content that she had family to fall back on when I let her down.” She eventually said softly. And it had been the most honest thing Alex had heard from her that night.

For a moment the only thing that was heard was the music in the background, the humming of the people talking and laughing, but Alex was too occupied with her company, her gaze latched onto Astra’s eyes. She wasn’t sure as to what to say, so she left it up to Astra to say something. And at some point Astra must have decided that her comment warranted an explanation, because she broke the silence.

“When her mother died.. my sister.. I could have opted to take Kara into my care. Instead I.. eventually moved away to Russia, far away from the life that I had.. the one that reminded me of my sister, and her family.” Astra’s voice was flat, but Alex could tell that the words made her emotional. Her speech was considerably less eloquent than Alex had heard from her before, and the fact that she saw an emotion on her face that was different from anything she had seen that night, spoke volumes. It was a mixture of regret and guilt and.. sheer pain.

“It eases my conscience to know that you took care of her.. that you loved her like I should have. I should have taken her under my wing.” Astra finished. The gratitude and guilt that were audible in Astra's voice, and visible in her eyes left a bitter taste in Alex’s mouth. She had always thought of Kara’s other family members, and why they had never been an active part of her life. At first she had thought that they had never really cared, but it seemed rather odd to Alex that a family member wouldn’t care for a person like Kara. Kara was one of the best people Alex had ever known, and she considered herself lucky to know a person like her. To be this close to her.


	7. Chapter 7

But she had never considered the possibility that maybe they had suffered as well. That they had run from the life that reminded them of the pain and loss that they were trying to drown out. And here was the living proof. A woman she initially hadn’t thought to be a quitter, had just admitted to abandoning her niece when she needed her the most.

“I have often thought about going back, but I knew I could never take care of her in the way she needed me to. I could never be the mother Alura had been to her. Or anything that would have brought her on the path that she has walked down till this day.” Astra paused for a second, apparently contemplating her next words. “It’s not an excuse. I could never take back what I’ve done. How much I've hurt my niece.”

“She still loves you though.” Alex pointed out. If there was one thing she knew about her sister, it was that she was more forgiving than anyone. And even if she had only heard her mention Astra’s name maybe a handful times before, she knew that she loved Astra. But that did not stop Alex from feeling quite uncomfortable talking about the subject without Kara being there to overhear things. And there was a part of her that thought she should stop. “Have you ever told her that?”

Astra smiled weakly at that. “Yes.” She replied softly. “Three weeks ago. She invited me to her wedding last-minute.”

Somehow that didn’t surprise Alex. What did surprise her was that Kara had never told her about her meeting with her aunt. She couldn’t help but glance over at the dance floor, spotting Kara. She wondered how she’d taken it. She had never talked much about her mother's family in their youth. Even when Alex’s father had died, and they had talked about the family they had lost, Kara had remained vague about her aunt.

She always supposed it had been because her parents hadn’t abandoned Kara by choice, just like Alex's father hadn't. But Astra had. And she couldn’t help but feel the sting of it. The woman in front of her had moved to Russia of all countries, so far away from Kara that she couldn’t even travel to her by car. Not just drop by and talk.

“Would you do it over if you could?” Alex questioned. She tried to mask the accusing tone that must have been audible in her voice, but she couldn’t help it.

“Now I know she has you? No.” Astra answered honestly. “I was young and stupid, and I would have ruined it all. I would have let Kara be consumed by my own pain, instead of serving as a pillar. I would have been more selfish if I had done that. Moreso than leaving her with you.”

“Kara reminded you of her, didn’t she?” Alex asked breathlessly. "Your sister?" It just dawned on her that it was not just Kara who had lost her parents, but Astra had lost her sister. One that, from the stories Alex had heard, she had had lots of arguments with when she had been alive. But Alex understood now that it made it all the more painful to lose someone. All the wasted time she had spent arguing over all the futile subjects that never mattered in the end. All the lost time she could never get back.

“She is so much like her mother.” Astra sighed, and suddenly, she looked very lost, sunken in thoughts. Her gaze had long been averted from Alex, and had wandered to the dance floor like Alex’s had moments before. “It reminded me of all the ‘might have been’s. The bond I never had with my sister. Over an opinion that could have been so easily discarded. Disagreements that could have been settled.”

She directed her eyes at Alex’s. “It took me too long to realize it wasn’t worth it. And when I did, it had been too late.” Her voice sounded full of regret, almost breaking. “With only the living reminder of her walking around on this planet. I couldn’t handle it. I lost myself.”

“I’m sorry.” Alex reassured. She really was. Because she had not only thrown away the possibility of having a relationship with Alura, she had done the same with her niece. And Alex just couldn’t understand that she had thrown all of it away. How much she had broken Kara’s heart, and never so much as stopped by to wish Kara a happy birthday, or just let her know how she was doing. That she was thinking of her. Not any of it.

“I know you can’t see past what I’ve done.” Astra continued. She was awfully contained for a person that was divulging all the horrible mistakes she had made. “I don’t blame you for that.  I simply wanted you to know that I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused.”

“I appreciate that.” Alex uttered. She wasn’t quite sure what it was that she wanted to say. She just wanted to go home and sleep until her growing headache was gone. In one tiny moment that festive mood that had clouded their conversation had changed in an incredibly tense one, and Alex wasn’t sure what she could do about it. And perhaps there was nothing she could do.

So she gulped down her champagne, longing for something stronger. But she had promised herself that she wouldn’t get drunk on Kara’s wedding, so she resisted the urge to fetch some. All the other nights in her life she could get as drunk as she pleased, just not the most magical day of Kara’s life. She owed it to her not to embarrass herself and crash the wedding, or make some other kind of scene.

She excused herself from the table, and headed for the bathroom again. She wanted to splash water in her face to cool down, but she was wearing several layers of make-up – ‘thank god for being a woman’ she sarcastically thought to herself – so she opted against it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably getting crappy right now. So if y'all wanna quit reading, then I'd understand. I think I'm going to post the rest of what I have (which is about 2k more), and then we'll see how many readers there are left that are still interested. :p


	8. Chapter 8

After a minute or two, she decided the only way to get herself some fresh air, was to get outside for a while. She had seen a door to the garden on the backside of the building the party was resided earlier, it being second nature to Alex to check for all exits in a room whenever she entered one.

When she finally slipped outside, she hoped that no one had seen her leave because she wanted to be alone for a while. She was grateful for the cold night air on her face. She instantly wished that she had taken her jacket with her, the hairs on her neck and arms standing up at the slightest brush of the wind. But she took it for granted, having only herself, the cold night air and the stars to herself now.

She walked around in the garden for a while, following the cobble path that was trailing through the flowerbeds and the trees. She could see the stars as she looked up, and she felt at peace. When Kara and Alex had been young, they had made it tradition to climb up the roof and watch the stars together, and ever since then, Alex found herself being calmed down by the greatness of the sky. All the stars, light-years away. Her mind liked to wander to places far away, where nothing mattered.

Where her life was just one tiny speck barely noticeable to the naked eye. Where it was all reduced to something irrelevant, something that had no influence on the universe whatsoever. It made her feel small, but it was more comforting than anything else to know that whatever went down, in the end all would be okay. It was just one complication that did nothing to slam her from the path she was walking down. Or did it?

She didn’t want to think about Astra and how she had left Kara. She just wanted to rid her mind of any thoughts. But she also knew that she just had to face the music when it was dire. And now was that time. She had met Astra. And Astra had changed things for her. Just not in that moment, technically, but she had sparked something. Something that she had left untouched all those years.

Alex didn’t really understand why she was standing there. Why she had to mull all of it over in her head. If Astra hadn’t left Kara, she would have never been put in her family. Kara and Alex wouldn’t have ever grown into the sisters they were. She wouldn’t have found a best friend in Kara. A sister. Family. None of it would have happened. She would never have what she had now.

So however she was twisting it, fact remained that Astra’s actions had resulted in Alex and Kara’s kinship. That part of Alex’s life had been so important to her. And even if she didn’t want Kara to suffer, wanted to shield her from all harm, some way, somehow, she was grateful that things had worked out the way they had. Even if Astra hadn’t left, that wouldn’t have guaranteed that Kara would have had a good life. Astra could be right. Actually, Alex believed she was right. She might have screwed things up for Kara, had she stayed.

She felt her anger ebb away, and make place for another emotion. She didn’t quite know what it was, or what it meant. So she just stared up at the stars, trying to clear her mind. She vaguely heard the music from the party in the background, until she heard what she concluded to be the door to the garden slam shut again. She ignored whomever had opened and closed it, hoping that the branches of the trees concealed her presence.

Footsteps were approaching her rapidly enough, however, and when the unknown figure had reached her, she already thought she knew who it was. So she didn’t look at the person that had joined her in the dark. Astra draped a jacket that Alex supposed to be her own around her shoulder, the material brushing her cold skin, making her realize how much she had cooled down since she had slipped out of the building.

“Thanks.” Alex muttered under her breath. She didn’t want to break the silence. She just wanted it to consume her. And she wondered if Astra was going to stop her from letting her. But Astra remained quiet, letting Alex explore her thoughts, sorting it out.

At some point she must have zoned out, because she was snapped back into reality in a startling manner. She was aware that the other woman was still there. She wasn’t quite sure if she should acknowledge it, or if the woman knew that she realized she was there, but was not ready to talk to her yet. She felt oddly exposed, even though there was nothing that should make her feel that way.

“The stars offer you comfort.” Astra eventually said softly. Her voice was low, and Alex was under the impression that the other woman was unsure of what she was supposed to say. This was probably the first time that night that it was Astra who was at a loss for words, and it gave her a sense of strange satisfaction that she couldn’t explain. As if Astra had finally made a misstep in her flawless dance.

Alex said nothing in response, but she nodded slightly to indicate that the woman was in fact right.

 “When Kara was a little girl.. I sometimes took her with me to an observatory. She would ask me about the stars and planets, and I’d explain her everything I knew.” Astra recalled wistfully. Alex was still looking up the sky, but she could imagine what her face would look like in that moment. The lines in her face creasing in nostalgia, as she thought of better times. “Those are some of my favorite memories.”


	9. Chapter 9

That was when Alex realized that the woman that was accompanying her in the dark had left an impression on her sister, even if she hadn’t been there for her for a long time. Whenever Kara used to be upset, or whenever she had any other reason for seeking solace of some sort, Alex and her would climb on the roof of their house, and watch the stars for hours. Sometimes in silence, sometimes talking about the source of the sorrows that seemed to stick with Kara. Sometimes just talking.

She wondered if all the knowledge about the universe she had shared with Alex on those very nights was something that Astra had taught her, and remembering she was still young when she had told her all about the planets and the stars, about alpha centauri and the milky way and about the names of all the planets in it. She had been astonished by all the different things she could tell her about all of it, especially considering she had only been in her young teens. Alex was three years older, and most of the things that she heard, were completely new to her.

But now she realized that Astra was the very person that taught her all of it. That had spent so much time with her in those observatories she’d just told her about. That it was probably one of the reasons why she still loved her aunt, even after all that had happened. But that it hurt even moreso whenever she had talked about it when Alex and her had been kids.

Kara had been so young, and had seen so much abandonment in her life at that point. Her parents had died, and her aunt, whom she loved a lot as well, had left. When she had needed Astra the most, she had left.

Again, anger bubbled up within her, feeling the need to punch. To punch Astra, of all people. Basically the source of that anger in the first place. But she kept her emotions in check, not letting the anger take the best of her, which was something she was good at. She was not even sure why it was she was so angry. It was not solely the fact that Astra had hurt Kara. It was also because Alex was confused, and torn between feelings. And she did not understand why. Did not understand how she was supposed to feel about it all.

She wondered why Astra was standing beside her. Why she hadn’t just walked away. Why she kept tormenting her with her presence. Why she kept tormenting herself being in the presence of a person that was clearly mad at her for all she had done.

She couldn’t imagine that was something a person would do. Knowing what Astra had done in the past – run – was not something that let Alex believe she wouldn’t at this moment. But she didn’t strike her as the kind of person that avoided confrontation either, which made it all the stranger that she had when her sister had died.

Then again, Alex never believed that she could judge a story from its cover. Or maybe not even the text itself. A story was always dressed up by words that were biased. Events were left out, or they were exaggerated. Things were understated. Some things that might have been relevant might seem less so. The background of the characters that the story revolved around might not be known by the reader, making it impossible to know what kind of impression something exactly leaves on a person.

If there had been one thing Alex had known, it was that she could never really know how things made another person feel. She could only imagine or guess. She could only vaguely conceptualize what kind of imprints other people had left on their hearts.

And she realized that that was exactly what Astra had tried to convey earlier that night by only telling half a story and let Alex fill in the blanks herself.

So she couldn’t know what had made Astra leave. She couldn’t know why she was here. She couldn’t know why it seemed like she was trying to make amends. Why now. What had happened on her journey to right this moment, trying to get through to Alex.

Why Alex of all people.

Alex couldn’t fathom it, couldn’t describe with any words how much it confused her. How much Astra confused her. She had known the woman for barely two hours, and she had felt more different emotions than she had felt around most people in a much longer time span. She was not certain as to how to feel about that given.

“Astra..” Alex began, finally tearing her gaze away from the night sky and looking at Astra. She contemplated her next words, mulling them over, but decided for the rashest ones. “What are you doing here?”

She noticed that Astra wasn’t wearing a jacket, which was about the same moment that she noticed that the jacket she was wearing was not actually her own. She concluded that it was Astra’s, and now she had, she actually thought that made more sense than that the other woman had brought Alex her own jacket. How else would she have known which one to pick from the checkroom?

“Keeping you company.” Astra answered flatly. For a second Alex thought she saw uncertainty in her eyes, but she was not sure if that were wishful thinking, or the lack of light. “I could leave if it pleases you.”

Alex didn’t know what she wanted to answer to that. On one hand, she just wanted her to leave her alone with her thoughts, but on the other, she liked her company very much. There was something about Astra. She was not sure what it was, but even after all the anger and other negative emotions she had let her feel, she didn’t want her to leave.

“You can stay.” Alex sighed. She was tired. It had been a long and exciting day, and now that she was enveloped in the dark, the fatigue really started to show its signals.


	10. Chapter 10

“You wonder about my motives.” Astra eventually said, still in that flat tone. Alex didn’t like it, because her whole posture was devoid of any emotion, so she couldn’t guess what Astra was feeling. What she was thinking. “Wonder why I seek your company.”

“You want to get close to my sister again.” Alex blurted out. She didn’t mean to be blunt like that. She didn’t even plan to say it. She wasn’t even sure if it had been a thought before it came out. She had just said it as soon as it bubbled up. “You want my blessing.”

“Negative.” Astra shook her head to emphasize that it was not her intention to get Alex’s blessing. Not in the slightest. “My interest in you is purely about you.”

But Alex couldn’t help but squint her eyes at the other woman. She was suspicious, because Astra hardly seemed like the kind of woman that didn’t have an ulterior motive. And she couldn’t help but feel that it had something to do with her sister.

On the other hand, there was a part of her that thought that perhaps it was her doing. That it was her company that had made Astra long for more. That she felt the connection too. There was something between the two of them that Alex had experienced very sporadically, and she had to admit to herself that she wanted to explore it more thoroughly.

And from the following comment, Alex could conclude that her skepticism was way too obvious.

“You don’t believe me.” Astra pointed out. She seemed slightly amused by the fact, a small smile playing around her lips. She stepped closer to Alex, getting well into her personal space. The younger woman was used to it by now, but she still couldn’t help her breath catching in her throat. Some part of her wanted to run away from this situation, from this moment, just spend the remainder of her night on her own, underneath the stars. But another part of her enjoyed it. Enjoyed Astra’s disregard for Alex’s desire to be alone.

“You hardly look like the kind of person that does things for the heck of it. You do things because they suit you. Because they eventually give you what you want.” Alex replied sharply. She wondered if she were going too far, if she were pushing Astra away by offending her. But she felt that boldness again that she had felt at the beginning of their night together. Something that seemed to keep resurfacing in her behavior when she was around Astra.

“Appearances can be deceiving.” Astra simply said, tilting her head again. “I can assure you I do not have any ulterior motives. Besides, it was you who pursued me by taking a seat next to mine, not the other way round.”

“But you knew I was Kara’s sister.” Alex pointed out.

“Kara had already allowed me back in her life at that moment.” Astra countered. “Which is why I am at her wedding in the first place.”

Alex sighed. Not in defeat. Something else. She did not know why she felt like doing so. She was barely sure that she knew what kind of point she was trying to make, why she was arguing with Astra.

“You want to believe I have an ulterior motive, so you don’t have to admit to yourself that you like my company.” Astra eventually said, gaining Alex’s attention. She looked at Astra sharply, wanting to protest the words. But there was a part of her that knew that perhaps Astra was right.

“I can’t like your company.” Alex voiced. “Not after what you’ve done to Kara. Not after you left her all alone.”

“Why not?” Astra inquired, but the look on her face suggested that she already knew why. That she just wanted her suspicions confirmed.

“Because then I would condone you hurting Kara.” Alex reasoned. “I would never do that. I protect Kara. And if resisting you is doing that, then I have to do it.” Alex didn’t quite register what it exactly was that she had said, but judging from the way the muscles around Astra’s eyes wrinkled in amusement, she realized that she had said something revealing.

But Astra did not hold her words against her. “I would never ask that of you.” She said gently. “And I would fight for a chance at redemption.. to show that I have no harmful or otherwise malicious intentions. That I would merely do the same as you would. Attempt to protect Kara.”

The quietness filled the night again, and Alex turned away from Astra. She needed to think. But she was too exhausted. She wrapped her arms around herself, her fingers tracing the fabric of Astra’s jacket.

She decided that she couldn’t do this. That it was too much to digest in one day. She needed more time. And above all, she needed to talk to Kara.

So she took off Astra’s jacket, and handed it back to her. “I can’t do this right now.” She uttered, as Astra took the piece of clothing. She smiled weakly at Alex, as if trying to convey that it was okay. But Alex wondered if maybe that were more directed at herself than at Alex.

“Goodnight.” Astra said as Alex walked away, back inside of the building, bracing herself for the festive ambiance that was still clouding the room in which her sister and the wedding guests were having a good time.

And so she tried to join them in their happiness. It only took a few minutes and Kara pulling her on the dance floor for some weird sisterly dance, and the contagious smile of her sister that would just manage to get herself to smile a smile that seemed to erase all the worries she was having.

Allowed herself to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, that was the last chapter. I hope y'all enjoyed it, somehow. I mean, the ending is kinda not so happy, but well, in my head this story goes further, and they would explore all the stuff that's been brought up at the ending. But writing that costs a lot of time and effort and I am not sure I can give that to this story at the moment. Also, I'm not sure there's any people who would be interested to read that, anyway. xD
> 
> So, take care and I hope y'all have a good last month of the year, and happy holidays and stuff! ^^


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